The Pace You Carry
When did you last move through your day at a pace you actually chose?
Not the pace of your inbox. Not the pace of your team. Not the pace of the school pickup line or the meeting that ran over or the text that needed an immediate response.
Your pace.
Most professional women cannot remember. The always-on culture does not ask what speed works for you. It sets the pace and expects you to keep up.
I learned what choosing my own pace actually felt like on a half marathon course in Napa Valley.
Postcard Confession: The Half Marathon
Postcard Confession image by Know Distance
My best friend is an avid runner and the stars aligned when the Napa to Sonoma half marathon through the vineyards was on her exact birthday! Confession - I am not a runner, I have a bad knee, yet I do have a deep love of walking. To celebrate her birthday, love of running and traveling she asked a group of 14 to join her on the half marathon, of course I said yes!
I spent months training. The week before the race my sister warned me, I could be pulled off the course if I was too slow. I was terrified.
My best friend can finish a half marathon in just over an hour. She stayed with me the entire race. Her boyfriend finished and then circled back at mile 9 just to run the last leg alongside us.
Fast walking through the California vineyards I kept my pace with occasional jog. I never got pulled from the course. At mile 10 wine was offered, but I just wanted water. I finished at 3 hours and 30 minutes with a smile on my face in Sonoma’s town square. My personal best.
Nobody else's pace. Mine.
That race taught me something I keep coming back to. The pace you carry matters more than the speed you achieve. And the people who stay with you at your pace as it varies in life, on marathon tracks are the ones worth keeping.
Why Women Get Stuck in Pace
Emily and Amelia Nagoski describe in their book Burnout The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle what happens when women cannot get stuck in the stress pace. Three things keep women stuck.
The invisible load. The caregiving, the emotional labor, the constant anticipation. These are not occasional pressures. They are daily currents that shape the rhythm of a woman's life. Pace becomes the default.
Social appropriateness. Society has expected women to be pleasant, responsible, and accommodating. The performance of smoothing edges and making everything easier for everyone else becomes a pace. A speed of giving that feels normal even when it is draining everything you have.
Safety. Sometimes pace is not a habit. It is a survival strategy. Women learn early that slowing down can feel dangerous. Movement becomes armor.
Signs You Are Carrying Pace
Do any of these show up in your week?
You move through your day like a checklist instead of an experience.
You walk quickly even when you are not late for anything.
You cannot feel the moment you arrive somewhere because your body is still in motion.
You feel guilty when you slow down.
Your body keeps the pace long after your life needed it.
What the Research Confirms
60% of senior professional women report frequent burnout. Women leave more PTO unused than men because they feel guilty about colleagues covering for them. Women who feel most depleted experience the greatest quality of life improvements from leisure travel. Taking just 10 hours of PTO monthly correlates with an 8% boost in annual performance ratings.
How to Complete the Stress Cycle
The Nagoskis outline seven ways to complete the stress cycle. The most powerful is physical movement. Not frantic movement. The movement of being somewhere that does not demand anything from you.
Travel activates every pathway without forcing any of them. You walk new streets. You breathe air that lands differently. You laugh at the unexpected. You feel the weight lift when awe finds you somewhere you did not expect it.
Travel completes the cycle that always-on interrupts.
Travel is one of the few places where nobody schedules your pace for you.
Three Ways to Set Your Own Pace
Before your next trip. Write down one thing you will not do on this trip. One task you will not answer. One pace you will not keep. Name it before you go.
While you are there. Walk somewhere with no destination once. Let your body set the speed. Notice what it chooses.
When you return. Give yourself 24 hours before you return to full pace. One slow morning. One meal without your phone. Let the transition be gradual.
Awe Intention of the Week
This week notice one moment where you chose your pace instead of defaulting to society's pace. A walk. A slower meal. Not eating at your desk. Five minutes outside. Your body will tell you something if you let it.
Know Distance is for women who are ready to travel at their own pace and come home genuinely restored.
Take the Travel Reflection Assessment at www.knowdistanceco.com or grab the free Girls Just Want PTO guide to start reclaiming your time.
Travel does not restore you because of where you go. It restores you because of what you bring to it and what you allow yourself to receive.
Au’revoir y’all!
Amanda
